Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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