That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize