i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
