My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
