ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
