just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
