i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
