you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
