I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
