ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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