I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
