I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
