Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
