if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
