i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
