I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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