Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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