What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she peed on how many people?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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