they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you win again, gameday.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
