Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
