oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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