Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
