You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
