Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize