my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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