i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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