Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
