I wish I could teleport
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
