im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
