i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
