He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
