Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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