Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
