I could make wine with my vomit
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
