dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize