stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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