the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Randomize
