dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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