Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
