True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
