I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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