There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
