3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
