did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize