and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
