Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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