i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
