I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
