His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize