Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
