Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
