coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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