Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
