very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
