Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize