hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
