hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
