WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
