Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize