He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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