The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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