I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
