i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
