so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
