Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
