dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
