You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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