lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
