What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
