Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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