captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize