i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
