I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
