I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
