so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
