i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Terrible idea I love it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
